Postnatal Depression

I am finally out of the dark and feel like I can talk about this. This is something I should share, for myself and for any one else that might go through it.

Here's the thing: I can't gush.

I'm not one of those new moms who goes on and on about how life's so wonderful or how "I've never known a love like this before". Lots of times I would find myself thinking "I wouldn't feel this way if I was a good mom" or "I want to be a better mother for him."

I realize that my hormones have been all over the map and it's not entirely my fault. Some people are lucky to have family supporting them and unfortunately there's an ocean between me and mine. Sleep deprivation is an actual form of torture so it's no surprise I've gone a bit mad. Plus breastfeeding is hard, man. It's all a bit of a shock. I love my son, really, and I would be absolutely devastated if anything were to ever happen to him.

The first 8 weeks are very difficult. Fake it till you make it was my daily mantra. I think I am starting to come out of the woods now and I am so grateful for that. If anyone else is/has struggled with coming into their new role as a mother: you are not alone. It's ok. Take care of yourself; it's the best thing you can do for your little person.

Please feel free to contact me or share your experience in the comments.

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Review: homemade toner

Last month I wrote about running out of my usual toner and trying a homemade version. Now, my hormones have been all over the place since HAM came into this world so my skin has been a bit spotty. The toner has helped a bit but I don't think there is much that can be done at the moment. I'm just a bit spotty for now and that's ok.

This recipe works pretty well; I give it a 7 out of 10. It's effective for removing dead, flaky skin but it doesn't leave my face feeling all that clean. If you want to try it I would recommend using the toner and then washing your face with a cleanser to get a nice, healthy, clean glow.

So it's not quite as good as the store bought brand I usually get but I will be sticking with this stuff and adjusting my routine slightly to maximize the effects on my skin.

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Mamalicious wishlist

Most of all, I miss wearing dresses. 

Availible at here

+MAMALICIOUS has some affordable, stylish dresses, tops, and lingerie for nursing mums. They have really nice jeans too, for that inbetween phase I seem to be in. Too skinny for my maternity jeans; too fat for my pre-pregnancy jeans. New mum problems.

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Mother's Day

Have a happy Mother's Day

Love,

Audrey x

Bad back

Everyday I do these back stretches at least once. When HAM was around 3 weeks old I got a major back ache right between my shoulders. I took ibuprofen and that would dull the pain but it didn't do anything long term. Only a tiny bit of the medicine is transferred in your breast milk, but I still don't want to have to take painkillers every day. I started religiously stretching my back in the morning and although the pain isn't gone, it is getting better. The magic isn't in my specific stretches as much as taking 5 minutes to look after yourself and listen to your body. Here's my routine anyways:

Roll down, touch toes, roll up, 3 times

Standing saw stretch, 3 each side

Cat stretch moving into a cow stretch, 4 times

Wag the tail, 4 times each side

Thread the needle, 4 times each side (my favorite omgggggggggggggg)

Downward dog
Walk feet in to touch toes, roll up
Shoulder rolls, 4 times

Standing quad stretch, each side

Neck circles, 4 times, then reverse and do 4 more

I got some of the stretch ideas from this Pilates video that I did during my pregnancy. I always always did the last 10 minute set, Pilates for flexibility, because it really loosened up my hips and back.

How do you keep in shape? If you know any great back stretches please let me know so I can add it to my routine!

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TV style inspiration: The Good Wife

Julianna Margulies on +The Good Wife has got to be the best example of office sexy. The dresses and blazers they style her in always have elegant neck lines that really compliment her figure. I mean it can't be hard to make Julianna gorgeous when she looks like she does. Girl could work a brown sack.

They also have a lot of pregnant characters. Martha Plimpton looked amazing in her pregnancy wardrobe. I love the scene when Will walks in on her expressing. Hilarious. More recently, Melissa George is on the show and I really look forward to seeing how they style her bump every week.

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Nursing clothes on Etsy

I usually go to +Etsy for vintage but there is not much in the way of nursing clothes. There is, however, a great deal of beautiful handmade clothes created specifically for breastfeeding moms. I honestly didn't realize how much of my wardrobe wasn't breastfeeding compatible. You need easy access to the boob. Most of the dresses that I own would have to come off completely, and I can't strip every time HAM gets hungry. These sellers have some really creative clothes that are stylish AND functional.

Round Bellies

 BESLOV

ModernMummyMaternity

MiLKsense

Sew Moe

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Lumosity

I can't have baby brain. Sometimes it feels like the little guy is sucking the smarts right out of me. But I gotta stay sharp. Which is why I try and do brain games every day. I have a free account on +Lumosity and I honestly can tell a difference in the way my brain works. I am more alert and capable of problem solving when I am exercising my mind every day. Mothers are the queens of multitasking and Lumosity is giving me an edge. I know this is the second time I've written about them. No they are not paying me anything. I just really, truly, genuinely, love their site. I think it's really important to take time to play games and challenge your brain. Lumosity.com. Check it out.

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Co-sleeping

This is the one thing that has returned me to sanity. Before I tried co-sleeping I was a tired, crying, nervous wreck. No one told me that "sleeping like a baby" meant grunting like a trucker every minute or so.

Co-sleeping gets a bad rap. I'm sure a lot of first time parents, like myself, are too nervous to try sleeping with the baby in the bed. Honestly though, sometimes you have to. I'm not drinking, smoking, doing drugs, or sleeping on a couch, so I decided to try it and see. I was a little uncomfortable at first, afraid to move, but now we've got a comfortable routine. HAM sleeps so much better when he is next to me and I don't have to get up to check every time he makes a weird noise. Win win. He still sleeps soundly on his own in the Moses basket at night. And anyways, it is my professional opinion that you cannot spoil a baby under 6 months.

What helps you get more sleep?

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THE dress: Keungzai

This is THE nursing dress for me. The one. My soul mate in dress form. Come here gorgeous...

£175 at Keungzai

+Keungzai  has other nice things too. They are amazing with drapery and flattering the curvy, maternal figure.

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Hair cut

I love my long hair. I like all the ways you can style it and how easy it is to manage. Braids are my favorite.

After giving birth I was desperate to cut my hair almost immediately. I managed to work my hair into a rat's nest during my labor with all my writhing about. Waiting for it to dry took too much time. I had to hoover the house nearly every day because of post pregnancy shedding.

It's a good idea to get a hair cut before you give birth. Trying to arrange a half hour for yourself might not seem like a lot but it feels nearly impossible with a newborn baby. 

I am really happy with my new short bob, but to be honest, I am just going to grow it out again. As much as I like styling long hair, right now ain't nobody got time for that.

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Welcome to the world

Ham was born February 7th (right on time!) at 1AM. He was 7 pounds 12 oz and 21 inches long.

Welcome to the world little man.

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The last time I was pregnant

I went into labor at 2AM on a Thursday.

Looking at this picture, I can't believe that was my body! I know it's only been 5 weeks but damn.

When I went into labor my waters broke first, which apparently doesn't happen to most women. I wasn't really ready for it. When you're preparing your hospital bag make sure that you pack a lot of bottoms. Trousers, panties, pads, ect. It's a mess down there.

I went in wanting to try for a natural water birth. LOL. Long story short, I begged for an epidural and the hospital kindly obliged. I wasn't too disappointed about my plan not working out because it's not like you get a special medal for taking the pain. I have a lot more respect for women who do now, but I wasn't up for it. I know a lot of women get upset about these things but you really can't be too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourselves ladies; do what you can and don't sweat the small stuff.

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Homemade toner

I've run out of my toner and I wanted to try to make my own and see how it works. I really like knowing what is going into my beauty products. This recipe is easy enough, only 3 ingredients. Somehow I managed to find the time and motivation to make it in my new busy schedule of napping at odd hours and being a Guernsey.

2 parts distilled witch hazel
2 parts rose water
1 part water
1 part lemon juice

I'll let you know how it goes for me. First impressions are good. Although my skin doesn't feel as clean as it does with my precious toner, it also doesn't feel as dry and tight as it did.

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Maternity knickers

Can I speak candidly?

I have flat out refused to get special maternity underwear. Most of the maternity knickers I see in the shops look exactly the same as regular underwear so I don't really get the point. And I've not wanted a pair, until now. Not seeing a need for them until I am 39 1/2 weeks pregnant is probably a testament to how unnecessary they are. I only want them now because I am so uncomfortable. Let's be honest though, everything is uncomfortable when you're this pregnant. I am not going to buy special panties when Ham could be born any minute. I don't know, maybe afterwards I will find that all my underwear are too big because they've been stretched out by my bump. Guess we'll see; I'll let you know.

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39 weeks

Today Ham is apparently the size of a watermelon.

The dress and shirt are vintage. The vest is +Topshop.

I love this vintage dress; it is one of the very first vintage items I ever purchased. Every wardrobe needs a good wrap dress and mine has a really cool bird print on it! because of the style, I can still wear it even though I am very pregnant; I just have to put in some safety pins so it doesn't fly open in the wind.

I am ready to not be pregnant anymore. Well, not practically, I haven't actually finished the nursery, but physically. He's just so heavy; it's not easy carrying a bowling ball around all day. I'm craving a lot of sweets like Snickers but I am really trying to resist and eat healthy. Sometimes I even succeed.

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Bad bitch aviators

All I want in the world is to be a bad bitch like Jessica Chaitin in Zero Dark Thirty. I mean damn.

It's a intense and serious movie, with clear and potent commentary on contemporary warfare, terrorism, and torture. Is it wrong that I kept thinking, "I want those sunglasses."

Amy Valentine has got it going on in her aviators as well.

Everybody looks hotter in sunglasses. I need to get my hands on some. I'm thinking these beauts from +Nasty Gal

Nasty Gals do it better, $70

OR these lovelies from +Free People

Shop FreePeople.co.uk!, £15

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New Look spring wishlist

The spring season is trickling into stores. Lots of dainty floral patterns, strappy camis, and casual chic trainers. +New Look has some adorable spring styles for cheap prices.

Black sandals, £19.99

Daisy cami, £12.99

Feather earrings, £2.99

Lattice dress, £19.99

Large dial watch, £9.99

Beaded necklace, £9.99

Floral dress, £17.99

Blue tote bag, £19.99

Button cami, £14.99

Faux fur high tops, £19.99

Double strap cami, £7.99

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Celebrity style

I love to see what pregnant celebrities are wearing. What they wear on the red carpet and especially how they're styled in their causal day to day lives.

She looks amazing! I love the wet look leggings and layered blacks; it's all very chic. How is she managing to walk in those tiny stilettos? 

Kerry Washington made a bit of a strange decision at the SAG awards but here at the Golden Globes she looks absolutely stunning. The cut of this dress is so flattering and cute!

Michelle Heaton really does wear pregnancy well. She seems to be a big fan of +Tiffany Rose, although the dresses in these pictures are not from there.

The embelishment design is gorgeous and flattering, and I love how she's paired it with a bad ass leather jacket. It reminds me of the maternity dresses you see at Rock a Bye Rosie.

Ciara looks dazzling in this Pucci dress. Now that is red carpet glamour.

I love this pattern and color on Katie Piper. She is glowing!

Golly, does Kerry Katona look cozy or what? I think I need one of these for the rest of the winter.

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